Don't ask, It's personal!

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Have you realized just how inquisitive we Indians are? Questions like "Are you married?" "Do you have kids?" roll off our tongues as easily as "What is your name?" and "Where do you live?" 

It's a cultural thing, born out of an urge to make small conversation rather than out of any genuine interest. But if we stop to think of possible answers to our seemingly harmless questions, we'd realize it's probably time we change. 

 Imagine asking the first two questions to someone who's just separated  from his/her partner or someone who's lost their child. 
Nope, not amusing at all!

So, how inquisitive are you?
  1. Have you quizzed a young marriageable girl when she plans to tie the knot?
  2. Have you asked a freshly-minted bride (or not-so-fresh but childless couple) if there is any “good news”? 
  3. Have you given unsolicited advice to new parents on how to bring up their child?
  4. And  how often did you actually know the person well enough to ask such personal (yes, personal!) questions but went ahead anyway, thinking what the heck everyone does?
My answer is a sheepish yes to all of the above. Sheepish because I know, after being ticked off a long time ago for asking, just how inappropriate and impolite these questions are.

Imagine you are on the wrong side of 30 (if there is a wrong side), not dating anyone but would love to get into a relationship and have been rejected for a few arranged matches. With your self esteem at an all-time low, you then muster up the courage to attend the wedding of your cousin who’s much younger than you only to have your relatives and some random people ask you what your marriage plans are. 
Can't be a great feeling, right?

Really, this "you're next" comment at marriages and baby showers just doesn't work. It makes me want to take the grim joke about saying the same thing to the elderly at funerals seriously!

Consider this. The reason for not getting married or not having a baby can vary from not having found the right person yet to have-tried-but-failed situations to a simple decision to not to. There may be health issues and several other compulsions. Whatever be it, it's personal and not up for discussion, so don't ask.

But you're genuinely concerned? I'd suggest wait to be told or you may end up causing a lot of pain to someone you love.

And if you become the victim of some such question, which you are bound to at some point, and have a good sense the person is just trying to be nosy,  don't be polite. Give the person a lesson on  manners, you'll be doing the society a great favour!

Comments

Kandarp said…
About the post. I have been victim of such unwarranted nosiness quite often. Still am....
But just because I know how troubling it is to be subjected to these questions, I just realized that I had made a subconscious decision not to do this to anyone.
3:42 AM
Himani said…
True Kandy, I also learnt a lesson only after being on the receiving end...
11:21 PM
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