Women — a party to their subjection
We wish happiness for the bride, so we teach her to ignore certain aberrations. In fact we teach her to look at the said aberrations as customs, as something that is the done-thing. So please girl, don't complain and if you have a daughter, god forbid, teach her what we have taught you. God Bless!
Snippets of a conversation I overheard...
Reality Cast : Three Marwari girls...with very joyful expressions on their faces
Topic of discussion : The picture of one of them, who is married, draped in a saree at a bridal workshop on the backpage of a city Daily. Quite a beautiful picture, I must add.
Girl 1. (married) You know kya hua? Dadaji saw this pic. Kuch khas khush nahin they. Itna skin
dikh raha hai na isliye.
Girl 2. Kahan yar? Mujhey to normal hi laga tha.
Girl 3. (Nods in the affirmative)
Girl 1. (pointing at the little midriff showing courtesy the slighly bold cut of the blouse) This.
Dekha?
All three laughed in unison. (Smile)
The laugh was very heartwarming. They atleast realize this kuch-khas-khush-nahin dadaji to be unjustified from our context but ok otherwise. The tolerance was nice to see.
Just for information, this nodding Girl 3 had on one ocassion told me, "I don't mind wearing a saree after marriage. What's wrong? It's all about showing respect to my elders".
Don't you think these are commendable thoughts from really commendable young women? I think so, seriously. But it does make me wonder, not about the girl in concern but about the seniors she refers to. Some seniors! They feel respected if their daughter-in-law wears a saree. Their sense of respect for themselves makes them want to impose a dress code on their bahu? Really, I cannot respect such elders who have no respect for someone else's independence. Why should a bahu have a dress code? Look at the dichotomy. Ladki to aisi chahiye jo apney sasural or maikey me fark na karey. Really?
Bullshit!
Girl 2. Hey, you are a Saraf right?
Girl 1. Yes. Kyun?
Girl 2. As in you can’t wear green?
Girl 1. (in a matter-of-fact tone) Yeah! Lekin later I can when I have a son.
Girl 2. Oh ok.
Girl 3. Then that’s fine.
That’s fine? Goodness! What’s fine? A particular colour can adorn you only when you have given birth to a male child and that is fine? And how do these Sarafs ensure that you have a male child? Is there something these people know which they have chosen not to tell the unsuspecting lot of scientists?
Girl 1. Ya. All the other women in my house wear green. They had sons. Chalta hai yar. Dekh na. I didn’t get my ears pierced till I got married. You see I didn’t have a brother. (the malefactor again!!)
What on earth is this? You know what this looks like — a desperate attempt to impress upon the woman the importance of the man… even in the little but significant things of her life. Piercing her ears or not, wearing green or not…don’t you think it is for the woman to decide?
What makes the situation worse is these women don’t feel the need to question these customs. To them it’s “only a colour or it’s only about an ear-hole”. Sooner or later they’ll get it. The significance of what they are being made to do or the ramifications of a seemingly simple demand is completely lost on them. Also, they will do their best to further the cause, they will inculcate these "values" in their daughters and sons. These girls will fit into the frame created for them, they will bask in the glory of being called the perfect homemaker, they will be praised for keeping the "family" together and for being shant, susheel... but they will never know how to all this without subjecting themselves to ignominy. These young girls will never understand that the definition of a good homemaker is not their own but someone else's and they dont have the gumption to break out of the casing snapped on them. I love my dad even when I wear shorts and chances are I wont love him like crazy when I am draped in 6 yards of cloth!
Like Girl 3 said… it’s perhaps all about respecting customs and your elders. In that case, unfortunately I’ll never be counted among the good girls.
And I have no regrets.
Bullshit!
Girl 2. Hey, you are a Saraf right?
Girl 1. Yes. Kyun?
Girl 2. As in you can’t wear green?
Girl 1. (in a matter-of-fact tone) Yeah! Lekin later I can when I have a son.
Girl 2. Oh ok.
Girl 3. Then that’s fine.
That’s fine? Goodness! What’s fine? A particular colour can adorn you only when you have given birth to a male child and that is fine? And how do these Sarafs ensure that you have a male child? Is there something these people know which they have chosen not to tell the unsuspecting lot of scientists?
Girl 1. Ya. All the other women in my house wear green. They had sons. Chalta hai yar. Dekh na. I didn’t get my ears pierced till I got married. You see I didn’t have a brother. (the malefactor again!!)
What on earth is this? You know what this looks like — a desperate attempt to impress upon the woman the importance of the man… even in the little but significant things of her life. Piercing her ears or not, wearing green or not…don’t you think it is for the woman to decide?
What makes the situation worse is these women don’t feel the need to question these customs. To them it’s “only a colour or it’s only about an ear-hole”. Sooner or later they’ll get it. The significance of what they are being made to do or the ramifications of a seemingly simple demand is completely lost on them. Also, they will do their best to further the cause, they will inculcate these "values" in their daughters and sons. These girls will fit into the frame created for them, they will bask in the glory of being called the perfect homemaker, they will be praised for keeping the "family" together and for being shant, susheel... but they will never know how to all this without subjecting themselves to ignominy. These young girls will never understand that the definition of a good homemaker is not their own but someone else's and they dont have the gumption to break out of the casing snapped on them. I love my dad even when I wear shorts and chances are I wont love him like crazy when I am draped in 6 yards of cloth!
Like Girl 3 said… it’s perhaps all about respecting customs and your elders. In that case, unfortunately I’ll never be counted among the good girls.
And I have no regrets.
Comments
I think if husband and wife both happy then only family is happy...Wht u think?